Film Trivia and My Week Thus Far

Last night I watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation both with and without the DVD commentary. That's 206 minutes of movie viewing the same material twice. This is what I learned:

1. Even on his downward spiral, Chevy Chase was still a comic genius.

2. LA really can look like Chicago during winter time and dupe me enough to think that's real snow.

3. The nippily girl's stage name is Scorcese - what the hell was she thinking?

4. Apparently everyone asks the kid who plays Rusty if he made out with his sister off camera. Eww.

5. Aunt Bethany was the original Betty Boop AND Olive Oil.

6. Beverly D'Angelo is obsessed with her hair in this movie - I don't think she had the same hairdo twice.

7. This was the highest grossing of all the Vacation movies - rightly so. This movie kicked ass and deserves a twice viewing in one night.

Halloween turned out to have some great weather. My co-workers and I took advantage of this and dressed up like burritos to claim our free lunch at Chipotle that day. Free lunch always tastes better.

I can't wait to see Borat! 84 minutes long, but I think it's going to be 84 minutes of pure entertainment.

Neilies lost

Yesterday I ventured out into DC's new cold weather to go to a club to see Super Diamond. Unfortunately this Neil Diamond cover band was not as exciting as I had hoped. I spent a lot of the time scoping out a couple in the audience getting their groove on in a "you shouldn't do that in front of children" manner. They were actually very funny - the guy looked like an accountant and the woman looked like a school teacher. This concert was by far the whitest concert I have ever been to - in the words of my companion, it was vanilla. The band played Neil a little too hard and didn't interact with the audience the way Neil does. Sad times.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to unpack my closet tomorrow - too many clothes! I should just give them away.

Stack: The Blog

Just a random thought - I think there should be a blog devoted entirely to Robert Stack. It would be a hit.

And maybe one to Bea Arthur. Or a six degrees of Bea Arthur. Now that would be interesting.

Chocolate, history, and Amish country

Neuhaus has always had chocolate made from various cocoa origins, and they have recently decided to really push this line of extra dark chocolate. We currently have a window display with a map of the world pinpointing where all the cocoa comes from. Unfortunately (esp. for me) there have already been people coming in complaining about the poor conditions of cocoa farms in Africa. Customers ask if Neuhaus is aware of the practices they equivocate to slavery happening on the other side of the world - usually it's while they stare at you accusingly like you're standing out in the middle of a cocoa field in West Africa directing these folks.

I have no idea what farms Neuhaus gets their cocoa from. If people want to complain about something Belgian, how about creating racial tension in Rwanda that led to the genocide.

Speaking of good chocolate, I had the best canolli at Vacarro's bakery the other day. I highly recommend it - lower level, Union Station.

Two weeks ago I got a fairly thorough tour of Arlington National Cemetary by my aunt (if you're reading, word up). I had no idea the original cemetary was created out of spite for revenge on Robert Lee for being a confederate. Crazy fun facts like that make history all the more enjoyable.

Last May I was planning to take a trip to Amish country in October to experience the local delights and maybe buy a couple $30 dollar quilts to sell on eBay. I'd also like to talk to some Amish kids on Rumspringa about the prevalence of drugs on their time off. This trip got postponed to next Spring due to scheduling difficulties - and what a relief. Tooling around Dutch Pennsylvania with the media frenzy going on right now would not have been fun. Go Rumspringa!

The Return

After not updating this blog for three full months, I feel it is time. In one week I will be moving into my new apartment in Dupont after couch hopping for a month and a half. I'm still amazed everytime I move at the hiccups that happen when trying to do the mundane tasks that are neccessary to moving, ie. change of addresses, setting up your tv/internet, organizing the actual move. I think there should be a service out there that does all this for you that only the people with a lot of money can afford. I guess they call that a personal assistant?

A rare occurrence has just taken place in front of Neuhaus as I write this last sentence. A whole group of teenagers (~20) just walked by and there was no annoying sounds. No jumping, yelling, giggling...they came from Gallaudet. I'm going to be completely non-PC here and say I like the deaf in general for this trait.

Last Friday one of my co-workers left my company. What better to do on a Friday afternoon than prank the unassuming victim as a bon voyage gift. My fellow co-workers and I spammed her email continuosly for over an hour with newsletter signups and personal ads she "might" be interested in. She also received phone calls from Richard Branson through an automated Virgin hotline and a university to talk about her interest in enrolling as a student. For my part, I found interesting personal ads on Craig's List to send. My favorite was the fellow interested in suffocation as a means of arousal. In detail he described how he wanted to be gagged and bagged with a rope pulling the plastic shut around his head. His selling slogan was "Suffocate me. I breathe only for you." This situation sufficiently freaked her out and she called us all Stinkers. I like that word.

Baltimore and Batwoman

Today I fingered through a Baltimore visitor guide. I got a vibe the city is into rhymes. A big picture of the harbor featured the copy, "Explor Baltimore" and there is a museum there called The Great Blacks in Wax Museum featuring famous African Americans. There's also a Japanese restaurant that's rated as one of the top 50 in the United States. This has nothing to do with rhymes, but I really want to go there after seeing the giant model boat filled with sushi. Next week I might have the opportunity to go there for work, but I'd really like to sample the city on a more personal occasion.

So the new Batwoman is gay - not for film, but for the comic book. Apparently she's an old acquaintance or friend of Batman, but he's apparently out of town. She's gay because DC Comics wants to have a more diverse set of superheroes. That's from the horse's mouth. My favorite bit of this news was hearing what others had to say in response to it. Some people feel it would be more diverse if a superhero were bald or overweight, or even (and this is my favorite) if the hero had cold sores. I'd personally like to see a superhero with a raging case of herpes. Nothing teaches kids about the realities of kissing a lot of folk like seeing your favorite cartoon character with facial blemishes.

I write this while watching the current Batman in slimmed down form in The Machinist. The entire movie you just want to feed porr Christian Bale. Apparently he ate a can of tuna and an apple a day for 60 days to get that thin, then he had to bulk up fast for Batman. Scary.

Idol and Service

On Wednesday, I watched the season finale of American Idol. I was happy to see they brought back the little cowboy with the turkey who could sort of sing for his one and only opportunity in life to perform in front an audience of that size. This season I haven't really been rooting for anyone in particular, although I would have preferred to see Katharine McPhee win over Taylor Hicks. I just feel like she would be someone I would listen to on the radio, whereas Taylor will probably be relegated to the easy listening contemporary station. He's just a little too Joe Cocker. But, like I said I wasn't rooting for anyone really, so this all changed when Taylor won. I saw David Hasselhof crying in the audience. It was all worth it.

This week I finally tried the Italian restaurant a few doors down from my apartment. I decided to order takeout, but I checked out the reviews online first. They were all along the lines of "good food, worse than terrible service." A couple of the reviewers said the waitstaff and owner were the rudest service people they had encountered. I was warned that you can either be completely turned off by this or allow it to just be a weird quirk of the establishment. I decided to adopt the latter attitude and call them. After I ordered, they quickly hung up on me. When I went to pick up, there were no pleasantries and the owner ignored me after handing me the credit card slip to sign. It was a little like dealing with the Soup Nazi. I have to say for the price, they give you a lot of food and it's pretty good. The place is called Banducci's.

This holiday weekend I will be embarking on my apartment search. Not really looking forward to this, but it must be done.

I really have no theme this week

I've been assigned web backup at work, so when my co-worker goes on vacation I'm in charge of updating our website. The entire website is at my finger tips. I like the power.

I'm currently watching Wild Things. It's on FX, which unfortunately means they have dubbed over half the film and cut out the other half. Bill Murray still rocks though. Whenever I watch Neve Campbell, I can't help but picture her looking very strained and almost unable to get out the words, "God, Bai," referring to her tv brother. Party of Five was some good melodrama.

The first film project I worked on in Austin is making its US theatrical debut next week. Unfortunately it's playing in NY/LA so I don't know when I'll get to see it. While I usually can figure out how distribution works on films, I must say I have no idea why this movie is already out on DVD in Italy and yet it hasn't made it to the theaters yet in the US. Perhaps the Italians were more open to controversial subject matter.

This is my random thought of the day - how did Sean Connery get so tan?

Email Commentary and the Crazies at Union Station

I have not posted anything of late. I apologize. But I have a little piece of humor in email correspondence I have received over the past couple of days to make up for it. I recently emailed my parents the new trailer for Al Gore's movie about global warming, An Inconvenient Truth, after spending a good portion of a car ride across southeast Texas talking about this subject with my immediate family. Here are the comments of each of my parental units:

Dad:
Looks interesting. Like to see it. Gore could run for president on energy at the present time. We need a national campaign on energy alternatives in this country.
Dad

Mom:
Is this going to be a feature film in the theaters? Thanks for sending me the trailer. I am a big fan of Al Gore and would vote for him if he ran for president. I like him better now than when he did run for president!! If he does decide to run you should work on his campaign. Love Mom

This got me thinking of when I met Gore outside Hillbilly Heaven, a hick bar outside St. Louis. People chanted "Gore Gore he's no bore, he's the man that we adore." I did not chant this, but for 2008 if he did run I think the new chant should reflect an anti-Bush sentiment. Something like this: "Gore Gore you will not hate, Vote Al Gore in 2008." Having said all this I don't think he'll run.

Over the past couple of weeks I have started to keep track of all the people I encounter when walking past or through Union Station which i do everyday twice a day, at least. Here's what I've found - I believe Union Station is a dumping ground for area mental hospitals. There hasn't been a single day that I've walked past where I haven't seen someone either a) talk to himself, b) twitch and ask where their medication is or c) scream profanities into a cell phone at a highly increased volume usually while staring at a wall. The former seems to be the most prevalent and usually these encounters happen in the afternoon. Anyway, I'll leave you with a link to the Union Station of yesteryear.
http://unionstationdc.com/bs_01.asp
I don't know, it kind of reminds me of The Shining.

When It's On, It's On

Today I had to introduce myself at the All Staff meeting and give a little speech with a personal fun fact of my choosing. I told everyone I had double jointed elbows?

I also received email today telling me my former advisor in college is leaving for another university and the department is compiling notes from current and former students to bind into a departure gift. I sat down to write something and everything that came out was complete drivel. I think all my creative juices have flown the coop for the day, possibly the week.

My one steady blog-viewer has informed she herself has started a blog. Any comments you find on my posts will lead you to her blog. She had this to say about it when announcing her blogging endeavors:

"I blogged this morning as I was eating my breakfast! It felt really really weird to be writing something that NO ONE will read. Even less people will read my blog than my senior econ thesis."

I feel a little blogging insecurity in this statement and I encourage everyone to check out her blog in the future. It's my goal for more people to see her blog than her thesis. We'll call it the Angelus movement. Check it: http://luspice.blogspot.com

Dream Analysis and Robert Stack

The past couple of nights I have had some vivid (if not too exciting) dreams. I was in both of them along with other people, but they both featured one other person who will remain nameless to protect the innocent. So the first dream, this person got drunk and got sick. And in the second dream, I got drunk and slept in someone else's bed (the bed was empty, just me). In both dreams there were big groups of people I know (family the first night and friends the second), but at the point of inebriation it was just me and this other person. And in both dreams I was out of town - the first dream might have been in the French countryside a la The Grand Illusion and the second felt like a ranch house. I decided to reference a dream dictionary to find out what all this means. This other person getting drunk could mean I harbor negative feelings or disapprove in some way. I dunno. Myself getting drunk means alienation and escape from reality, especially since on the second night I was the only one getting drunk. Sleeping in someone else's bed apparently means moderate business success is on the horizon? Would never have guessed that. Oh, and in the second dream, this other person was talking about me with someone I didn't want to be talking about me standing over the bed thinking I was passed out but I was really awake. Apparently I'm sneaky in my dreams. I don't know what any of this means, but I'm not eating chocolate before bed anymore.

ROBERT STACK! The man passed, but his memory lives on in my head. Last night on Lost there was a faith healer trying to fix Rose. He was describing the ground he lived on and it's healing powers by saying "Perhaps it has something do with the geology. Perhaps it is something else." Unsolved Mysteries immediately came into my head because at the end of story segments that were true "mysteries", Stack would always say "perhaps" to offer a theory. As much as I love this show from my childhood, whenever I think of Robert Stack I think of the film Written on the Wind. In it, he plays a rich oil tycoon who is sterile or impotent or both (I forget which). We had to do analysis of him in one of my film classes three years ago. There's this scene where he's just found out he can't bear children because of his problem, and he looks at this kid bouncing up and down on one of those bouncy plastic horses that move outside a grocery store (or in this case a small town cafe). I recommend the movie just for this scene. Robert Stack almost looks jealous of this boy's energy.

My First Week

Today is Friday and I have finished my first official work week at my new job. Since I have been at the company since August, but not in official capacity, I didn't get to partake in important company decisions before. This week changed all that. Yesterday, I had my first official business lunch to meet vendors that send our mass email. Topics on the table during the lunch included: where everybody lives and how they commute to work, the tv show Lost (to which I told everyone about the Lost podcast which rocks), New York and the different ways to get there. My favorite part of the 1.5 hour lunch where about 5 minutes of business was discussed was when Patrick, one of the vendors, explained how he considered Lost an event and "likes to make a nice dinner" in preparation for it. Oh, Patrick.

Today a survey was sent out to all employees to vote on the All Staff Summer Outing. I didn't get to partake in the survey of what people randomly thought we should do a couple of weeks ago because I wasn't a full time employee. But now, after they've narrowed down the choices to six, I'm all over it. The choices all included lunch and the main activity. These activities are the National Zoo, the Smithsonian, bowling, going to a park, something else, and a river cruise on the Potomac. I chose the latter mostly because that's what they did on The Office. Plus I think it would be funny if everyone was trapped in one place and couldn't leave. I would love to see my boss wear a captain's hat and take control of the helm.

"Mother Tongue. That was the name of my band in high school." Damon Lindeloff, Writer and Executive Producer of Lost (on this week's podcast in reference to a Russian speaker's email describing his language)

What's Dark is Dark

So tonight at Neuhaus, this Italian couple came in. Two very short men that looked alike, but were clearly not related. They were talking in Italian and didn't really understand English. Clementine, who I am now secretly calling "The General" just cause, started to speak a little Italian to them explaining the price of the chocolate. She knows a little Italian because she was married to an Italian man for many years - her "great love" or "love of her life" - I forget which. This is how I know these guys didn't understand the Belgian speaking half English/half Italian. The guy on the left had his face furrowed and possessed the most confused look I think I have ever seen. This alone probably wouldn't make it funny, but to top it off, his head was shaped like Stewie Griffin's. It was the Italian Stewie with his Italian accent looking very confused. So good I had to hide in the back to laugh out loud.

In reference to this week's title, "what's dark is dark," a woman came into the store asking where the dark chocolate was to which I always give this reply. I say it respectfully, but this time these two teenagers who are among the hundreds of touristy teens I've seen at Neuhaus with name badges laughed and gave a noise like I completely dissed this woman for not knowing what dark chocolate looked like. (And to myself I was.) However, while this remark can sound very flip if said in a certain way, I always say it with respect because let's face it. If you're stupid enough not to know what dark chocolate looks like when it's right next to milk chocolate, you don't want the person selling it to you to make you feel that stupid. I'm clearly not built for customer service.

My new job orientation was today. They gave me this huge binder with lots of papers and I've had to sign about ten different forms. I will bequeath my life's worth ($20,000 in insurance) to my brother should I kick it. They gave me this pamphlet to give to my beneficiary explaining how it all works. There's this woman in a sweater on a blueish beach standing looking out at the water. I guess this defines "grief". I'm going to show this to people. Wow, I feel like this entry should just be called "Quotation Marks" because I've used a lot of them tonight.

Announcement

In the three hours since my last post, I have accepted a job offer. I now work for a nonprofit organization that fosters the science of light. Seeing as how I've actually been working with them for nearly 8 months and still don't know how to entirely define this field of science, I'd like to quote Manfred Mann's Earth Band to describe my feelings.

Blinded by the light
Wrapped up like a deuce
Another runner in the night

For some reason this post feels like it needs a valediction.

Office Humor

In honor of April Fool's Day, I'm listing the following office pranks appropriate for the holiday as listed on MSN Careers. As commentary, I think someone who has never worked in an office wouldn't get just how funny some of these could be. Out of the playful spirit of the holiday, for the last part of this entry, you have to higlight the words in order to view them. It's like invisible ink for the computer. After the list and before the timestamp, get that mouse moving.

1. Changed the caller ID on a co-worker's phone to read "Mr. Kitten" every time he called someone.
2. Placed random objects from people's desks in the vending machine. This one would have been good for Gareth on the British version of The Office
3. Placed a live goldfish in an IV bag in a clinic.
4. Snuck onto someone else's computer and sent out an "I love you" e-mail to the entire office.
5. Wall papered someone's entire cube with headshots of his co-workers.
6. Convinced a colleague that a co-worker was in love with him.
7. Sat on the copier and placed the copies back in the paper bin. Anytime co-workers made copies, they had the image of the prankster's backside in the background.
8. Turned all the clocks in the office one hour back to make the work day seem longer.
9. Locked all the doors, shut off the lights and put a "Closed" sign in the window when the boss went out for lunch.
10. Placed fake rubber chocolates in the break room and watched as co-workers tried to chew them. This one would be especially humorous if I put them in a Neuhaus box and told the people who know I work at Neuhaus they were in the kitchen.

I also had a little Office Space humor last week when my cube became the storage space for a mountain of boxes. I joked about building a fort and said I just needed to steal my cube neighbor's red stapler to become Milton from Office Space. Someone came and cleaned out my entire cube a couple of days ago and now strangely I feel naked. There's almost TOO much space in here. Who would have thought a cube monkey would enjoy less space? Which brings me to a question I've always wondered, why is the monkey the animal of choice when speaking of a worker in a cube? I'm currently in my cube and I see nothing monkey-like about it.

Postscript

As a postscript to my previous entry, I will say that thinking about what I've written in my blog makes it very tempting to write about my blog in my blog and I don't want it to become self reflexive so this is the last time I will be mentioning my blog in my blog.

Also, I read something for anyone out there who does watch Big Love. The main character, Bill, owns a home depot type store and yet his backyard that connects his three houses is made out of dirt. The man has easy access to grass, patio-making material, what have you. I'm hoping this leads to some plot point because HBO needs to get on it.

Blogging, Balls, and Harry Dean Stanton

After my blog was read outloud to me this past weekend, I became very conscious about what I was writing in it. I'm not saying my blog is art, but I could imagine this is what artistic pressure feels like. Having said that, I'm going to continue to write what I feel like saying.

My friend Betsy sent me a forward that explains your personality and attributes based on your astrological sign. I'm a Scorpio. Apparently this means I have a big penis and I know how to pleasure every type of woman. When I read this it reminded me of a time in one of my marketing classes when a guy in my group commented on me going to the teacher and asking for an extension. He said "you have balls." Is it kosher to say this? It made me feel funny.

I'm starting to really like the new HBO show, Big Love. It's about a modern polygamist family. Those scenes in suburban Salt Lake City I can handle and enjoy, but when they show scenes on the rural compound with some heavy polygamy action, it's a bit much. The prophet of the polygamist community, Roman, has a ridiculous number of wives and his youngest is only 15. He reminded me of Roman Polanski (as they share the same name) and how he raped a 13 year old back in the seventies. Some people aren't aware that he did this at Jack Nicholson's house while Jack wasn't at home. If I were Jack, I'd be a little peeved. Anyway, this creepy character on the show is Harry Dean Stanton. He often plays greasy guys in supporting roles. I discovered he played Molly Ringwald's father in Pretty in Pink. This excited me to no end because he was finally a character I liked. However, the man was born in 1926. That means he was like 60 when he was Molly's dad. While this seems a little off, I had to remember my dad was almost 60 when I was at teenager. It was all good times.

V and Evey? Vincent and Catherine?

Yesterday I saw V for Vendetta. Afterwards I learned all sorts of things about comics. As I was going to sleep last night the late eighties show, Beauty and the Beast, came into my head. I started making all these comparisons between the film and the show. So the show is about a guy who's deformed as a human (because he's half lion) and lives underground near the subway, but his lair is filled with books and old antiques and such. He goes above ground and saves a woman from death, brings her to his lair and they harbor a forbidden love for each other that is channeled into fighting crime together. And his name is V-V-Vincent.

For those of you not familiar with Beauty and the Beast starring Linda Hamilton, here is a snippet of the opening narration of every show which demonstrates the caliber of such an important program:

Vincent: This is where the wealthy and powerful rule. It is her world..a world apart from mine. Her name...is Catherine. From the moment I saw her, she captured my heart with her beauty, her warmth and her courage. I knew then, as I know now, she would change my life...forever.

Catherine: He comes from a secret place, far below the city streets, hiding his face from strangers, safe from hate and harm. He brought me there to save my life...and now, wherever I go, he is with me, in spirit. For we have a bond stronger than friendship or love. And although we cannot be together, will will never, ever, be apart.

In other old show trivia, did you know that Doogie Howser, MD was created by Steven Bochco and David E. Kelley? I was pleasantly surprised by this.

Finally, Idol. I gotta say I loved Chicken Little in the beginning, but I'm not sorry to see him go. He was getting a little cocky and I don't think he should have mouthed off to Simon last week. Having said that I think it would have been awesome if he had worn a Chicken Little t-shirt underneath is button down last night in case he got voted off and he could give the audience something to remember him by.

Allergies and Idol

Reading the news today I came across an article entitled "To head off allergies, expose your kids to pets and dirt early. Really." I immediately laughed to myself because in the pre-daycare era I like to call my early childhood, my mother left my brother and me at a woman's house that fronted as daycare. All the kids spent their afternoon outside in a dirt yard with a wandering dirty dog. AND growing up I never had allergies. I didn't even identify what they felt like until last year when I actually did get them as a result of moving to Austin. Apparently everyone who doesn't get allergies will get them there.

I also came across an article describing Paula Abdul as a judge on American Idol. She was referenced as a seal when she claps. I've taken after others in muting her remarks when it's her turn in line to critique the contestants. Even though she forgot her lines last week, I was sad to see Melissa go. I thought she deserved to stay longer more than others. Although for some reason she just looks like an Angela so that's what I've been calling her.

Top Ten Things People Say to Me at Neuhaus Chocolatier

I work part time across the street from my apartment at an upscale Belgian chocolate shop. Here are the top ten things people ask or randomly tell me at the store:
1. Do you have sugar free?
2. I could never work here./How do you not just eat everything?
3. Where's your really dark chocolate?
4. I just came in to smell.
5. I tried to stay away, but I just can't.
6. Oh my God, this is so much better than Godiva.
7. Two dollars for a piece of chocolate?
8. Do you have dark chocolate? (My favorite as a respond politely with "what's dark is dark"
9. Do you have chocolate covered strawberries?
10. Where is this chocolate made?

Imagine some of these people trying to be funny saying some of these things. Everyone thinks they are being original.

The Hills Have Eyes

On Friday night, I went across town to Georgetown to see The Hills Have Eyes remake. I hadn't seen the original and I wasn't sure exactly what it was about entering the theater. My excitement for seeing it dissipated about halfway through the movie when my hands started to tremble and I had to bury myself into my neighbor. Reading reviews later I have to agree with those horror purists, that parts of this film were more for obscenity than classic scares. Although I'm still glad I saw it. Exiting the theater I offered to drive Charlie (my brother) and Lu (his girlfried) home because I didn't want to be alone due to the fragile state of a post-horror movie. Lu asked me if I was going to be scared going back to my empty apartment, and I said no because we were in the city and those mutants were in the desert. At the time it made perfect sense, but now I'm not sure what my line of thought was to think that flesh-eating psychotic mutants actually exist in New Mexico or wherever this story was supposed to take place. Furthermore, I discovered later this film was shot in Morocco, which also seemed to calm my nerves about ever happening upon such a clan.
Anyway, the rest of the weekend was filled with recognizing elements of film in other things. On Sunday I went to the National Gallery and saw Cezanne in Provence and the Dada exhibits. Both had pieces that led me to remark, "that's so the hills have eyes."
On a sidenote, over the past three days I have seen Amish people shopping in Nine West and a buddhist monk talking on a cell phone outside the Nine West - but on a different day.