When It's On, It's On

Today I had to introduce myself at the All Staff meeting and give a little speech with a personal fun fact of my choosing. I told everyone I had double jointed elbows?

I also received email today telling me my former advisor in college is leaving for another university and the department is compiling notes from current and former students to bind into a departure gift. I sat down to write something and everything that came out was complete drivel. I think all my creative juices have flown the coop for the day, possibly the week.

My one steady blog-viewer has informed she herself has started a blog. Any comments you find on my posts will lead you to her blog. She had this to say about it when announcing her blogging endeavors:

"I blogged this morning as I was eating my breakfast! It felt really really weird to be writing something that NO ONE will read. Even less people will read my blog than my senior econ thesis."

I feel a little blogging insecurity in this statement and I encourage everyone to check out her blog in the future. It's my goal for more people to see her blog than her thesis. We'll call it the Angelus movement. Check it: http://luspice.blogspot.com

Dream Analysis and Robert Stack

The past couple of nights I have had some vivid (if not too exciting) dreams. I was in both of them along with other people, but they both featured one other person who will remain nameless to protect the innocent. So the first dream, this person got drunk and got sick. And in the second dream, I got drunk and slept in someone else's bed (the bed was empty, just me). In both dreams there were big groups of people I know (family the first night and friends the second), but at the point of inebriation it was just me and this other person. And in both dreams I was out of town - the first dream might have been in the French countryside a la The Grand Illusion and the second felt like a ranch house. I decided to reference a dream dictionary to find out what all this means. This other person getting drunk could mean I harbor negative feelings or disapprove in some way. I dunno. Myself getting drunk means alienation and escape from reality, especially since on the second night I was the only one getting drunk. Sleeping in someone else's bed apparently means moderate business success is on the horizon? Would never have guessed that. Oh, and in the second dream, this other person was talking about me with someone I didn't want to be talking about me standing over the bed thinking I was passed out but I was really awake. Apparently I'm sneaky in my dreams. I don't know what any of this means, but I'm not eating chocolate before bed anymore.

ROBERT STACK! The man passed, but his memory lives on in my head. Last night on Lost there was a faith healer trying to fix Rose. He was describing the ground he lived on and it's healing powers by saying "Perhaps it has something do with the geology. Perhaps it is something else." Unsolved Mysteries immediately came into my head because at the end of story segments that were true "mysteries", Stack would always say "perhaps" to offer a theory. As much as I love this show from my childhood, whenever I think of Robert Stack I think of the film Written on the Wind. In it, he plays a rich oil tycoon who is sterile or impotent or both (I forget which). We had to do analysis of him in one of my film classes three years ago. There's this scene where he's just found out he can't bear children because of his problem, and he looks at this kid bouncing up and down on one of those bouncy plastic horses that move outside a grocery store (or in this case a small town cafe). I recommend the movie just for this scene. Robert Stack almost looks jealous of this boy's energy.

My First Week

Today is Friday and I have finished my first official work week at my new job. Since I have been at the company since August, but not in official capacity, I didn't get to partake in important company decisions before. This week changed all that. Yesterday, I had my first official business lunch to meet vendors that send our mass email. Topics on the table during the lunch included: where everybody lives and how they commute to work, the tv show Lost (to which I told everyone about the Lost podcast which rocks), New York and the different ways to get there. My favorite part of the 1.5 hour lunch where about 5 minutes of business was discussed was when Patrick, one of the vendors, explained how he considered Lost an event and "likes to make a nice dinner" in preparation for it. Oh, Patrick.

Today a survey was sent out to all employees to vote on the All Staff Summer Outing. I didn't get to partake in the survey of what people randomly thought we should do a couple of weeks ago because I wasn't a full time employee. But now, after they've narrowed down the choices to six, I'm all over it. The choices all included lunch and the main activity. These activities are the National Zoo, the Smithsonian, bowling, going to a park, something else, and a river cruise on the Potomac. I chose the latter mostly because that's what they did on The Office. Plus I think it would be funny if everyone was trapped in one place and couldn't leave. I would love to see my boss wear a captain's hat and take control of the helm.

"Mother Tongue. That was the name of my band in high school." Damon Lindeloff, Writer and Executive Producer of Lost (on this week's podcast in reference to a Russian speaker's email describing his language)

What's Dark is Dark

So tonight at Neuhaus, this Italian couple came in. Two very short men that looked alike, but were clearly not related. They were talking in Italian and didn't really understand English. Clementine, who I am now secretly calling "The General" just cause, started to speak a little Italian to them explaining the price of the chocolate. She knows a little Italian because she was married to an Italian man for many years - her "great love" or "love of her life" - I forget which. This is how I know these guys didn't understand the Belgian speaking half English/half Italian. The guy on the left had his face furrowed and possessed the most confused look I think I have ever seen. This alone probably wouldn't make it funny, but to top it off, his head was shaped like Stewie Griffin's. It was the Italian Stewie with his Italian accent looking very confused. So good I had to hide in the back to laugh out loud.

In reference to this week's title, "what's dark is dark," a woman came into the store asking where the dark chocolate was to which I always give this reply. I say it respectfully, but this time these two teenagers who are among the hundreds of touristy teens I've seen at Neuhaus with name badges laughed and gave a noise like I completely dissed this woman for not knowing what dark chocolate looked like. (And to myself I was.) However, while this remark can sound very flip if said in a certain way, I always say it with respect because let's face it. If you're stupid enough not to know what dark chocolate looks like when it's right next to milk chocolate, you don't want the person selling it to you to make you feel that stupid. I'm clearly not built for customer service.

My new job orientation was today. They gave me this huge binder with lots of papers and I've had to sign about ten different forms. I will bequeath my life's worth ($20,000 in insurance) to my brother should I kick it. They gave me this pamphlet to give to my beneficiary explaining how it all works. There's this woman in a sweater on a blueish beach standing looking out at the water. I guess this defines "grief". I'm going to show this to people. Wow, I feel like this entry should just be called "Quotation Marks" because I've used a lot of them tonight.

Announcement

In the three hours since my last post, I have accepted a job offer. I now work for a nonprofit organization that fosters the science of light. Seeing as how I've actually been working with them for nearly 8 months and still don't know how to entirely define this field of science, I'd like to quote Manfred Mann's Earth Band to describe my feelings.

Blinded by the light
Wrapped up like a deuce
Another runner in the night

For some reason this post feels like it needs a valediction.

Office Humor

In honor of April Fool's Day, I'm listing the following office pranks appropriate for the holiday as listed on MSN Careers. As commentary, I think someone who has never worked in an office wouldn't get just how funny some of these could be. Out of the playful spirit of the holiday, for the last part of this entry, you have to higlight the words in order to view them. It's like invisible ink for the computer. After the list and before the timestamp, get that mouse moving.

1. Changed the caller ID on a co-worker's phone to read "Mr. Kitten" every time he called someone.
2. Placed random objects from people's desks in the vending machine. This one would have been good for Gareth on the British version of The Office
3. Placed a live goldfish in an IV bag in a clinic.
4. Snuck onto someone else's computer and sent out an "I love you" e-mail to the entire office.
5. Wall papered someone's entire cube with headshots of his co-workers.
6. Convinced a colleague that a co-worker was in love with him.
7. Sat on the copier and placed the copies back in the paper bin. Anytime co-workers made copies, they had the image of the prankster's backside in the background.
8. Turned all the clocks in the office one hour back to make the work day seem longer.
9. Locked all the doors, shut off the lights and put a "Closed" sign in the window when the boss went out for lunch.
10. Placed fake rubber chocolates in the break room and watched as co-workers tried to chew them. This one would be especially humorous if I put them in a Neuhaus box and told the people who know I work at Neuhaus they were in the kitchen.

I also had a little Office Space humor last week when my cube became the storage space for a mountain of boxes. I joked about building a fort and said I just needed to steal my cube neighbor's red stapler to become Milton from Office Space. Someone came and cleaned out my entire cube a couple of days ago and now strangely I feel naked. There's almost TOO much space in here. Who would have thought a cube monkey would enjoy less space? Which brings me to a question I've always wondered, why is the monkey the animal of choice when speaking of a worker in a cube? I'm currently in my cube and I see nothing monkey-like about it.

Postscript

As a postscript to my previous entry, I will say that thinking about what I've written in my blog makes it very tempting to write about my blog in my blog and I don't want it to become self reflexive so this is the last time I will be mentioning my blog in my blog.

Also, I read something for anyone out there who does watch Big Love. The main character, Bill, owns a home depot type store and yet his backyard that connects his three houses is made out of dirt. The man has easy access to grass, patio-making material, what have you. I'm hoping this leads to some plot point because HBO needs to get on it.

Blogging, Balls, and Harry Dean Stanton

After my blog was read outloud to me this past weekend, I became very conscious about what I was writing in it. I'm not saying my blog is art, but I could imagine this is what artistic pressure feels like. Having said that, I'm going to continue to write what I feel like saying.

My friend Betsy sent me a forward that explains your personality and attributes based on your astrological sign. I'm a Scorpio. Apparently this means I have a big penis and I know how to pleasure every type of woman. When I read this it reminded me of a time in one of my marketing classes when a guy in my group commented on me going to the teacher and asking for an extension. He said "you have balls." Is it kosher to say this? It made me feel funny.

I'm starting to really like the new HBO show, Big Love. It's about a modern polygamist family. Those scenes in suburban Salt Lake City I can handle and enjoy, but when they show scenes on the rural compound with some heavy polygamy action, it's a bit much. The prophet of the polygamist community, Roman, has a ridiculous number of wives and his youngest is only 15. He reminded me of Roman Polanski (as they share the same name) and how he raped a 13 year old back in the seventies. Some people aren't aware that he did this at Jack Nicholson's house while Jack wasn't at home. If I were Jack, I'd be a little peeved. Anyway, this creepy character on the show is Harry Dean Stanton. He often plays greasy guys in supporting roles. I discovered he played Molly Ringwald's father in Pretty in Pink. This excited me to no end because he was finally a character I liked. However, the man was born in 1926. That means he was like 60 when he was Molly's dad. While this seems a little off, I had to remember my dad was almost 60 when I was at teenager. It was all good times.

V and Evey? Vincent and Catherine?

Yesterday I saw V for Vendetta. Afterwards I learned all sorts of things about comics. As I was going to sleep last night the late eighties show, Beauty and the Beast, came into my head. I started making all these comparisons between the film and the show. So the show is about a guy who's deformed as a human (because he's half lion) and lives underground near the subway, but his lair is filled with books and old antiques and such. He goes above ground and saves a woman from death, brings her to his lair and they harbor a forbidden love for each other that is channeled into fighting crime together. And his name is V-V-Vincent.

For those of you not familiar with Beauty and the Beast starring Linda Hamilton, here is a snippet of the opening narration of every show which demonstrates the caliber of such an important program:

Vincent: This is where the wealthy and powerful rule. It is her world..a world apart from mine. Her name...is Catherine. From the moment I saw her, she captured my heart with her beauty, her warmth and her courage. I knew then, as I know now, she would change my life...forever.

Catherine: He comes from a secret place, far below the city streets, hiding his face from strangers, safe from hate and harm. He brought me there to save my life...and now, wherever I go, he is with me, in spirit. For we have a bond stronger than friendship or love. And although we cannot be together, will will never, ever, be apart.

In other old show trivia, did you know that Doogie Howser, MD was created by Steven Bochco and David E. Kelley? I was pleasantly surprised by this.

Finally, Idol. I gotta say I loved Chicken Little in the beginning, but I'm not sorry to see him go. He was getting a little cocky and I don't think he should have mouthed off to Simon last week. Having said that I think it would have been awesome if he had worn a Chicken Little t-shirt underneath is button down last night in case he got voted off and he could give the audience something to remember him by.

Allergies and Idol

Reading the news today I came across an article entitled "To head off allergies, expose your kids to pets and dirt early. Really." I immediately laughed to myself because in the pre-daycare era I like to call my early childhood, my mother left my brother and me at a woman's house that fronted as daycare. All the kids spent their afternoon outside in a dirt yard with a wandering dirty dog. AND growing up I never had allergies. I didn't even identify what they felt like until last year when I actually did get them as a result of moving to Austin. Apparently everyone who doesn't get allergies will get them there.

I also came across an article describing Paula Abdul as a judge on American Idol. She was referenced as a seal when she claps. I've taken after others in muting her remarks when it's her turn in line to critique the contestants. Even though she forgot her lines last week, I was sad to see Melissa go. I thought she deserved to stay longer more than others. Although for some reason she just looks like an Angela so that's what I've been calling her.

Top Ten Things People Say to Me at Neuhaus Chocolatier

I work part time across the street from my apartment at an upscale Belgian chocolate shop. Here are the top ten things people ask or randomly tell me at the store:
1. Do you have sugar free?
2. I could never work here./How do you not just eat everything?
3. Where's your really dark chocolate?
4. I just came in to smell.
5. I tried to stay away, but I just can't.
6. Oh my God, this is so much better than Godiva.
7. Two dollars for a piece of chocolate?
8. Do you have dark chocolate? (My favorite as a respond politely with "what's dark is dark"
9. Do you have chocolate covered strawberries?
10. Where is this chocolate made?

Imagine some of these people trying to be funny saying some of these things. Everyone thinks they are being original.

The Hills Have Eyes

On Friday night, I went across town to Georgetown to see The Hills Have Eyes remake. I hadn't seen the original and I wasn't sure exactly what it was about entering the theater. My excitement for seeing it dissipated about halfway through the movie when my hands started to tremble and I had to bury myself into my neighbor. Reading reviews later I have to agree with those horror purists, that parts of this film were more for obscenity than classic scares. Although I'm still glad I saw it. Exiting the theater I offered to drive Charlie (my brother) and Lu (his girlfried) home because I didn't want to be alone due to the fragile state of a post-horror movie. Lu asked me if I was going to be scared going back to my empty apartment, and I said no because we were in the city and those mutants were in the desert. At the time it made perfect sense, but now I'm not sure what my line of thought was to think that flesh-eating psychotic mutants actually exist in New Mexico or wherever this story was supposed to take place. Furthermore, I discovered later this film was shot in Morocco, which also seemed to calm my nerves about ever happening upon such a clan.
Anyway, the rest of the weekend was filled with recognizing elements of film in other things. On Sunday I went to the National Gallery and saw Cezanne in Provence and the Dada exhibits. Both had pieces that led me to remark, "that's so the hills have eyes."
On a sidenote, over the past three days I have seen Amish people shopping in Nine West and a buddhist monk talking on a cell phone outside the Nine West - but on a different day.